Easy Steps to a Better Marriage

First of all not all marriages work and those that do are no cake walk. The fact of the matter is that you need to take a step back and look to yourself for the solution to the problem. In most marriages at least one of the individuals believe that the other is the primary source of the problems, but remember that both are contributing to the difficulties in the marriage. It takes 2 to make it work. Below are some things that you may or may not know and take it to heart, if you REALLY want to make it work.

Marriage is work. Marriage is literally another job. If one dedicates the time and effort to the marriage relationship, the payoff is huge.

1. Sacrifice. In a marriage, each individual has to be willing to sacrifice some of their own needs and wants for their partner. At the same time, their partner must be willing to make the same sacrifice. This is called reciprocity. Example: He may not enjoy going to the opera. However she may. For true love, he will make the sacrifice and go to the opera to keep her company, even though it is an activity he intensely dislikes. At a later date, she may have to make a similar sacrifice by engaging in an activity she dislikes.
2. There needs to be time designated to the marriage. Time that is specifically allotted to the relationship, not for each other, but for the marriage.
3. Express feelings and thoughts without the fear of a defensive posture or response. This can be very difficult, but is extremely important when communicating. However once a pattern has been established over years, where one is feeling blamed, put down or criticized, it is very difficult not to take a defensive posture. This takes a lot of effort and recognition on the part of the person who is being defensive. However this can be broken down.
4. A team approach is extremely important in a marriage, because a marriage literally is a team effort. Whether you are attacking bills or financial issues, approach it as a team, and doing it together can be extremely helpful, as you are not alienating your partner. If your partner does not want any part of the bills or financial affairs, that is acceptable. However, many times partners feel like they are being left out. Money has been hidden, bills are not being taken care of, one is overspending. Subsequently, approaching the relationship as a team effort can be very helpful.
5. Personal space. Everyone needs personal space. This is a teeter-totter, if you will, in terms of balance, for one individual may feel they are getting too much, and the other individual may be more needy. Again, at certain times, there may need to be mediation to discuss what is a good amount of personal space that can be a balance for both parties.
6. Sexual needs. Respect each other’s feelings. INTIMACY AND SEX SHOULD NOT BE CONTINGENT ON BEHAVIOR. There should not be a reward scenario surrounding sexual intimacy. Sexual intimacy is not a payoff, and is horrendous if used as such in a marital relationship. Nothing like mimicking a child-parent relationship, I always say. You cannot make sexual gratification contingent upon chores and tasks being performed at home. Why? Household chores need to be shared because they are the responsibility of both parties. If sexual intimacy is reduced to a reward scenario for tasks performed, chaos will eventually result. I guarantee it. If not chaos, it can definitely lead to a superficial relationship.
7. Reach some type of resolution before bedtime, even if it is an agreement to disagree.
8. Life is very, very short. Remember to cherish the one you love. Life is precious. Try to remember why you married this individual in the first place.