Parents Talk to Your Teens

I remember what is was like to be a teen. I often found myself in bad situations and felt like I had no one to turn to. I remember that sex was not discussed, I was never really asked about my friends or what we did when we went out. I also remember the day I found out I was pregnant at the age of 16 and fearful of telling my parents and weighing the alternatives. Being a teen is one of the hardest times in a persons life and its important that your teen feels they have you to speak to when they need advice or support. So why are there so many teens getting into bad situations? I believe that many teens find themselves in the same situation I was in, no one to talk to openly about their lives.

It is our job as parents to be involved in our children's lives with all of the questions. Where have you been? Who have you been with? What have you been doing? Is there adult supervision? It seems though that these questions are not being asked. I was watching the Maury show and asked myself between the, "You Are The Father" and "You Are Not The Father", where are the parents while all of this is going on?? They also talk about the out of control teens who are having sex with several different partners, drinking, doing drugs and again, where are the parents while this is going on?! A young girl is having sex with various people in the park, but where are the parents at midnight? A young boy is fighting and involved with gang violence, again where are the parents?

It truly amazes me that parents seem to have every exuse in the book rather than talking with their own child. I do believe that you need to start early talking with your children about everything. This sets the foundation for them to trust coming to you for advice or someone to listen to them. Everyone needs someone to listen to them, and a majority of the times teens confide in the friends who may be a part of the problem in the first place. What happens then? They get more bad advice from the "friend" and it all goes down hill from there. There is no exuse for being to busy for your kids. You should know everything going on in your child's life, if you don't then you need to make it a point to know. Parents who let their children run wild act so surprised when they find out their kids are having sex, fighting, prostituting, doing drugs, getting drunk, and then they want to act surprised! Please! Give me a break! If you payed attention you would have seen all of this coming and had the opportunity to prevent it.

More often than not you hear teens saying they feel alone and they have no one to talk to. The problem is they should be able to go to their parents. I don't feel like their are bad teens, just teens who feel ignored and alone. There is no feeling in the world worse than feeling like its you vs. the world all by yourself with no one to turn to. Parents talk to your children! Take the time to begin the lines of communication early, don't wait until they are older and then turn on you thinking your being nosey due to your sudden interest. Now this dosen't mean that teens will not get into trouble. Teens try drugs and alcohol, its just part of the growing process. There are so many of us who I am sure tried alcohol or drugs when we were younger and that is an experience we can be open with our kids about. Why hide the truth from them? You never know your experience may help them make the right decision in their lives.

A few things that I do with my own children is ask them daily how school was, what happened, is anything going on that is bothering them, are they having trouble with teachers or students. I have also had the sex talk with my children. Now my mother thought I had lost my mind discussing these issues with a 9 and 11 year old, but there are 11 and 12 year old girls having sex and getting pregnant. There are also 11 and 12 year old boys having sex with these young girls, so YES talk to your children early. This helps them to know that you are open to discuss any subject with them. Remind them every so often about these issues, discuss the pros and cons, and the reasons why you look at matters a certain way. It is also important to listen to their questions and answer them honestly.

The worst thing a parent can do is dodge a question, ignore it, or give an in-honest answer to the question. This makes the child feel that you are not open to talk to them or that certain subjects are off limits. No subject should ever be off limits when it comes to your children. There are so many teen girls finding themselves pregnant and making bad choices that cause harm to themselves and the children they are carrying. Putting themselves into danger. They need to know that they can talk to you when push comes to shove. The last thing any parent wants is a phone call telling them something has happened to them that endangers their well being or even their life.

Remember it is our job as parents to listen to our children. You may not like the subject matter of the conversation but obviously if your child is asking it is important to them. Every parent needs to keep in mind that it is up to us to keep our children safe, and just because they are older and more independent doesnt mean that our job stops. If more parents took the time and cared about what was going on with their children maybe we wouldn't have the teen fighting, pregnancy, STD's on the rise, and overall discord with our teens. Keep this in mind the next time your child gets ready to walk out the door, Get Involved!